The Year of Tam

Three months on the new program and I’ve dropped 41 pounds.  Year 3 is off to a great start!! 

Three weeks ago a new nutritionist decided the other gal was wrong telling me to eat MORE, and put me on a low fat diet consisting of 12 ounces of protein and 10 grams of carbs per day.  Yup. No more oatmeal, no fruit, no dairy (other than an occasional egg or some small taste of low fat cheese)… In other words, no creativity. Boring. 

You know I am usually the cheery sort, positive, optimistic.  I launched into the diet full force and committed. I bought my weight in lettuce (I can have all I want, it’s free), de-carbed the house and prepared food so I could easily embrace the program.  I’m not a big meat eater, so this is gonna be a BIG change.  I was super grouchy day one, but have been easy going since. Three weeks and my jeans are falling off, my legs hurt less and I feel less “puffy”. 
My only problem so far is I’m bored… As a cook that is.  Trying to find ways to prepare meat to resemble foods I miss is a challenge.  I miss the taste of fruit.  Miss the crunch, although celery is filling the void there.  I’ve made a meatball that reminds me of pizza, and cheese chips that give me that “Doritos” fix once in awhile.

But I gotta ask, if you have any ideas on how to make tuna taste like my favorite oatmeal, send em my way!

Sometimes I just want to run through the streets yelling, “I obviously can’t do this alone. Chris Powell … I need your help!”

Although I’ve had past success, I’ve failed time and again. I’ve made excuses. I’ve let injury stop me. There is something I’m missing in this puzzle which has plagued me my whole life. I still weigh over 450 pounds and I’m at my wits end.  

Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition is casting again.  It inspires me, gives me hope, and shows me I CAN do this without the surgery doctors are pushing me towards.  I want to get healthy without surgery!  Chris Powell is amazing and his transformation program works, so I’m going to apply.  Just keeping you in the loop. Xoxox

My phone went nuts and froze me out of most of my aps.  Yep, shut-down.  Thus the reason I haven’t posted.  Seems the only access I have to the outside word is thru my phone (and the internet when I’m on). 

Losing my phone aps was gradual … kinda snuck up on me.  Once I realized it was more than a couple aps, 6 of them were not working.  I knew I would have to restore the phone to its original condition and rebuild the aps one by one.  Is a lot of work.  So I waited… 6 turned to 8, 10 turned to 13, 13 turned to 15…

Yep. Snuck up on me. Didn’t react right away when I noticed it.  Forced to rebuild.  Kinda like my journey here. 

So, this “social chick”  who waits too long to get started is feeling a little more social after attending my cousin’s wedding last night.  Hope to see your real face out there in the real world soon. 

Taking action now!
Tam

Since the knee damage from the fall I took last summer, my activity came to an abrupt haul. No exercise to me meant cut the calories so I don’t regain weight.  But something wasn’t right. Hello 25 pounds added back on in 8 months.

So I finally went to see a nutritionist this past week. After talking over my food logs and my sedentary life, she determined that I am not eating enough and insisted I more than double my calories.  What?!

After rettaching my head that blew off at the neck, I said, “pardon me… did you say DOUBLE?” 

It seems that a fluffy chick like me needs to eat enough calories so that the body burns them rather than stores them.  Eat MORE?!

Checking the logs, I’ve been eating about 750-900 calories a day and evidently my body thinks it is starving. “Double the calories and you will start losing weight again,” at least that is what she thunks.

So let’s try it!  Only thing, I don’t enjoy planning meals. I don’t enjoy thinking about food until I am hungry.  I don’t even enjoy eating enough to eat more than one meal and a couple snacks every day, so this is gonna be a big change!

I started eating 3 full meals and 2 snacks. Getting all the protein in is my biggest challenge, but I am doing it.  I am now planning meals and snacks, and I will admit I have lots of energy now and feel really good!  Will let you know in 2 weeks the results … loss or gain.  Oh, and I lost 3 pounds since April. Lol  Let’s hope I can at least double THAT in 2 weeks!

Since I’ve been banged up and not able to really exercise, I may not have lost weight, but I DID  lower my cholesterol 50 points!  How? I think its because I eat more veggies and fruit, cut out fat dairy and enjoy a variety of oat and rice cereals. 

My cholesterol was not super high (starting 189) but knowing I dropped it 50 points shows me my better habits have better results, even IF they are not the ones I hoped for…YET! 

When someone asks, “who are you?”  What’s the answer?  A list of titles:  writer, sales chick, director, graphic designer, musician, singer, actor…  Are you defined in what you do?   I always was… ALWAYS.

“Hi, I’m so-n-so and I do such-n-such. Who are you?”  

“I’m Tam and I only found worth because of my profession which at this time is…. ” Day after day, week after week, years of defining myself by the company where I worked and the title on my business card.

So is there a difference between who I am and what I do?  Now that I am not currently working, does it mean I am no one?  No worth. No definition…no identity?  It does if I continue to hold on to the way I’ve always been.

What’s wrong with announcing the most important titles in my life?  The ones which allow me the gift to truly, TRULY be who I am… to truly be me!

“So who am I?” you ask.  Child of God.  Aunt Tammy.  Friend.  Daughter.  Sister.  Mentor.  …just for starters.

May the list continue!

You know that phrase “one step forward, two steps back”?  That would seem to be me; trying to climb up the “down” escalater.  But alas, even though I tire of the same scenery and grow weary climbing, I KNOW that I will get a sudden boost of energy and run ahead toward the top, to my destination.  And just like every ‘odyssey’ of course, once I get there, there will be more obstacles to overcome, more goals to reach. 

I want to live running towards and pressing on to the goal, the finish line, with everything I’ve got!  No matter WHAT may be up ahead.  I will run… I will press on with those words always on my lips, “Never give up!”

Ok, so I’m going to admit something to you. I am feeling really crappy about regaining 25 pounds.  Not 100, not 50… but 25 and I’m down on myself about it. Even worse, I can’t seem to get motivated again after the long winter break where ice had me shut up inside afraid to fall if I dared to step out. 

Did that ever happen to you, you know, have success then because of something external you suffer a setback (in my case it is a bad knee injury) and then lose momentum? 

If I really think about it, I can tell myself that setbacks (injuries, plateaus, etc.) are simply obstacles to overcome. So if I know it, then why am I so focussed on the regain and beating myself up about it when I’m still down nearly 200 pounds?  And why the lack of motivation?  I don’t want to return to where I was.

Is it fear of failing?  Lack of hope? Past history of getting this far and slipping back? I don’t know. But I DO know that writing this incoherent dribble has made me feel a little better … LOL.  And I DO know what works.

Ok, so let’s dust off my ‘mantra’: One day at a time. One meal at a time. One good choice at a time.  I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  Strength to walk (even when the knee doesn’t want to). Strength to pack the gym bag. Strength for facing the stairs at the pool.  Strength!

Trading fear and failure for that divine strength … and pressing on. One step at a time.

So it is March 30th and the snow is falling hard.  What better thing to do than go back to the Q to cheer on my beloved Monsters as they go for their ninth win in a row!  And they just happen to be seated #1.  That cup is OURS!  Yes, I am thrilled to be ‘ALIVE’ and down here cheering them on with Chandler.  (It’s our birthday event!)

So let me tell you… I ran into Jesse (Monsters sales guru) at the VIP table.  (We were both looking for my friend JEFF, but I digress.) He scooted around to the front and warmly said, “Tammy, it is so good to see you! Guess it’s fair to say things didn’t really turn out the way you hoped, huh? I gotta tell you I really liked your video, sincerely.”  What a sweetheart.  I told him, “well, no I didn’t make the show, and it has been a rough season for me, but I am proud to say I am 85 pounds or so lighter than a year ago (200 lighter than 18 months ago) and I am still plugging along.  He gave me an encouraging “you’re doing great” and we agreed to send Jeff to the other – whoever would find him first.

I will admit I struggled so much to get here.  What a season…. 7 months of nursing a terribly torn knee maniscus and not one but TWO bouts of pneumonia. Let’s say it was a challenge.  But I am proud that I walked (ok, limped and hobbled) into the Q to face those who rallied behind me, supporting me in my efforts!  And although I am not where I hoped, I am stronger, I am wiser… and I am most definitely lighter!

Thanks Monsters for letting me follow an incredible season… but mostly for being in my corner, cheering ME on! 

NOTE: I thought this post “posted” but it was saved in drafts. Yep, that’s me for ya.  Well, I can tell you the Monsters lost but are one game away from clenching their first playoffs!  And it took me 2 days for my leg to recover from the snowy drive (lots of pushing the brake aggravated the knee). Again, I feel blessed and although I fight feelings of failure, I realize it is the injury which slowed my progress and not my commitment.